By Mariela Dabbah spokesperson for RMHC^®/HACER^®

Friends are one of the most important gifts in life; as a matter of fact, at times, friends are the only ones who can make certain situations bearable! Having lots of friends with whom you share your interests, who support you in your different projects, who are there for you when you fail, and who express their disagreement when they believe you are doing something wrong, is essential to your well being. We should all be so lucky to have many good, supportive friends. But the truth is that not all friends are created equally. And some people we call friends are far from deserving the honor.

When you think about your future and you think about college, you must realize that what you do today really matters. And because we tend to imitate the behaviors of the people around us, hanging out with kids who are good students, who like to challenge themselves, who show leadership and have good social skills will very likely inspire you to follow that path. It’s easier to study hard when your friends aren’t asking you to hang out with them all the time because they are also studying hard; it’s easier to get involved in a community project if a couple of your friends are involved either in the same one or in another project. But also, the kids of today become the adults in your future and they are the ones who will either open or close doors for you when the time comes. The self-motivated, driven student will probably go to a great university and land a wonderful job so, having that person as part of your network will benefit you enormously. The more people you know in more places, the better it will be for your own career advancement.

But also, consider this: your friends have parents who may be great mentors to you; they know people who know people which means that being friends with the “right” kids can open a host of possibilities for you. You can meet a wide range of individuals with interesting lives and careers who may help you decide what to study. These individuals may also help you further down the line by writing letters of recommendation to top schools, or even by helping you find internships and jobs as time goes by.

On the other hand, befriending kids who are not interested in school, who have poor values and misbehave, kids who just coast through the four years of high school with no inkling of what life is all about will most likely deviate you from your path to success.

So, given the great impact that friends have in your life now and in the future, why not take a few minutes to review who your friends are; to think about them and their impact in your life. Here’s a quick exercise to help you with this process:

Write down the names of your friends and acquaintances along with the following information:

• Where and when did you meet him/her?
• What are this person’s interests? (Where do they spend their time? Doing what kinds of activities?)
• What are this person’s aspirations for the future?
• Do you think he/she is a positive influence in your life: how so?
• Do you think he/she is a bad influence in your life: how so?
• How much time are you spending with this person? Is that too much, too little or just about enough?

We seldom think about our friends in these terms, but this exercise will help you identify the people you are spending time with and it will let you evaluate if you need to expand your circle of friends, spend more time with some of them or cut loose someone who is not such a great influence. You don’t need to do anything radical, but becoming aware of the good and bad influences in your life is the first step to move in the right direction. Keeping your future success in mind, it will be easier for you to nurture the best relationships and slowly end those who are draining your energy and weakening your determination to get ahead.

I know that evaluating your network of friends is not easy to do, but the people who surround you today can make a big difference in your future. So, try to be as honest as possible and keep in mind that your friends are the family you get to choose. Choose wisely!